I thought I wanted a fast delivery, until I had one…
At 5:30am I was woken up by mild cramping (I had lost my mucus plug the night before so I had a feeling these were the real things). I was able to stay in my bed until about 6:15 until they became pretty uncomfortable so I moved to the living room not wanting to wake anyone up. At around 7 my eldest (4 years old) woke up and saw me on my knees leaning into the couch. Now this is my favorite part of this whole story — She looked at me and asked me if baby sissy was coming and I told her yes, she places her hand so sweetly on my back and says in my ear “mommy this is going to hurt a lot but you can do this” *cue tears*. She ran to my bedroom and woke my husband up who got clothes on and he walked her to my grandmas house (we live on the same homestead).
When he returned the contractions were intense but I was still able to talk afterwords so we kinda just chilled, breathing in these last moments as parents to one. Then a flip switched at about 7:30 and I was in PAIN. They became unbearable within minutes, so I call my sister (who lives 45 minutes away) and my midwives to tell them I’m READY. By this point time means nothing to me so from the hours of 8am-11am my mind was in full baby mode. My sister showed up at some point before my midwives and we were just laying in my bed on my side and I was cuddling one of those big teddy bears you get at Valentine’s Day (which I wanted to throw away but it became my birthing partner by the end so I’m glad I didn’t lol) my midwives show up *the famous Erica and Ashleigh duo* I think it was around 10. They check babies heartbeat, give me encouragement and let me be, which is exactly what we talked about at previous appointments that I liked to be left alone.
One thing that stuck out to me was Erica came in and asked if she could listen to babies heartbeat during a contraction (which I think she heard my moans change into more intense sounds which was me transitioning and she just KNEW) and I consented and she placed her hand on my belly. Something happened during that contraction and pain flooded my entire body and I (more aggressively than I wish I had) screamed “stop touching me” and get this… she did. Immediately. Coming from a traumatic birth previously at a hospital - having the ability to have full autonomy over my body and have my medical professional LISTEN to me healed a lot of trauma in that moment (so Erica thank you for always listening and respecting my body, that meant so much to me). So at this point I’ve only been in labor for 5 hours (my first was 36 so I was prepared for HOURS more) and I looked at my sister and said I think I need to push. Mind you my waters haven’t even broke yet so I thought I was going crazy. Erica heard and walked in and said to just listen to my body and push if I needed too, but I was SO CONCERNED my waters hadn’t broken yet (I was the only one concerned Erica told me it’s 100% normal) so I beg her to to check my cervix and she did, looked at me and said “girl the baby is here you just need to push her out”. I panicked. The pain was EXTREME, my body felt like it was ripping in half and my brain kept telling me I couldn’t do it. All birth plans went out the window and I started crying claiming I couldn’t do it and I needed to go to the hospital (this was not what I wanted nor was it an option). I screamed at Erica to put pressure on my butthole (which she obliged, what a good woman) and my sister looked me in the eyes and told me get my shit together and push that baby out. So I calmed down, felt one more contraction in silence and gained my strength back and PUSHED. It took me one contraction. My water BUSTED all over Ashleigh (I felt horrible) and then, I was holding my baby. It was so quick. My body didn’t get the 36 hours like last time to slowly dilate, I went from 0-10 in 5 hours and it was so excruciating and liberating all at the same time. I did it. I gave birth to my baby at home like I had always wanted, I was strong enough, I was POWERFUL.
Baby latched perfectly, Ashleigh had to leave to go to another birth and Erica was taking vitals, gave me a sponge bath and was packing up to leave… until I got nauseous. I looked at Erica and told her she needed to take my baby that i was about to pass out. She calls for my husband, he takes the baby and I proceed to pass out 3 times. Erica, with her hands tied as she’s exhausted all options, knew I needed to go to the hospital. I was losing a ton of blood. The ambulance came, picked me up and I spent the night in labor and delivery. That was horrible and traumatic and I hate that my beautiful home birth ended there but that’s my story and it is what it is. I had a healthy baby, an unmedicated birth, and an amazing birthing team around me. Erica kept in touch with me the entire time I was in the hospital and even from the phone she made me feel safe.
Birth doesn’t always go how we want it to and that’s okay, I learned a lot about the power I hold inside me and grew so much in those 5 hours and I couldn’t have done it without clover leaf midwifery, I love you guys.
-Amber
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